utter heartbreak
by belle'histoire
Summary: Hermione has had her heart shattered by Draco Malfoy, this is her expressing her feelings, DONT READ IF YOUR LOOKING FOR A HAPPY ENDING!


Utter Heart-break

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All of the characters belong to J.K Rowling but the idea was my own

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Hermione has had her heart shattered by Draco and this is her describing her feelings towards what happened.

For months he told me he loved me every single day, and every time he told me this, it was a lie, and I believed it. He, for months let me go on believing that he loved me, that he wanted to be with me, that I was his whole world. Why wasn't he just straight with me, why did he let me go on thinking he loved me, was it to hurt me more, did he enjoy doing this to me? Did he like watching me suffer, watching me cry. Did he do this for his own amusement, I loved him, I do love him now, and I would give anything to be with him once more but I know it wont happen, I know that he doesn't love me any more, he doesn't care about me any more, he doesn't care that every time I see him I die a little inside. He doesn't care that whenever I think about him I contemplate whether or not I should kill myself to take my pain away, I ask myself, would he care then? Or would he just be relieved he wouldn't have to see the face he once loved any more? Did he ever love me or was it all pretend? These are the questions I ask myself as I cry, as I scream, as I pray for the pain to go away, maybe it is about time I just end my pain myself. But would that mean he wins? How can a person be so cruel to just stop loving you and then just go on pretending he still did, how can someone who used to be so amazing and sweet, treat me like this, I know it was my fault as well, but at least I never stopped loving him, not even for a minute, and it will be a very long time before I even start to move on from him. Why cant he just love me, why did he have to stop. My head is screaming to just move on, forget he ever existing, forget the love, the time we spent together. But my heart is still wishing for hope, giving me this false hope that things will one day recover, that we will end up happy again, that he will love me again, I guess my heart doesn't like reality. One side of me wants to kill him, to see him burn, to have him be in the pain I am in, the pain HE put me through. I love him more than anything else in this world, and I would do anything to be with him again, to hug him, to kiss him, to have that happy feeling inside when he tells me he loves me, but its not going to happen, he doesn't care any more, he doesn't love me any more, he is no longer mine, but whether he knows it or likes it, I still remain his. He still holds my shattered heart between his powerful hands. He holds my fate, he may think I'm over reacting and that I'm just an attention seeker but I'm not, he just doesn't understand how much I love him, how much I need him, how I know that if he pushes me just a little bit further, and says one more thing to my like he doesn't love me, then I will be in too much pain to go on, I will have to just end it all, I'm already tempted. What else do I have to live for without him anyway, my friends, no, I gave them up for him a long time ago, not completely but we're not as close any more.

I think the worst part of this all, is that I know its mostly my own fault, I was jealous and controlling, I'm surprised he put up with me for as long as he did to be honest. I would give anything to just be with him again, but I know I'm not worth it, that I couldn't make him happy any more, but if he would just give me the chance I would try and try again to be the best damn girlfriend in the world, he knows this, why wont he give me the chance? Has he really not loved me in months, did he really not love me when he took me out for dinner on our one year anniversary, or all those times he hugged me and kissed me and told me he wanted to be with me forever, was he really just acting, pretending, lying? Why would he do that to me, why would he just pretend to love me, for a year he let me believe he was mine, that we were meant to be, that we were soul mates, and all along it was actually nothing. How can he not understand this pain I'm feeling, it hurts so much, its this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach, I cant stand it, its unbearable. I cry all the time, I beg god to take the pain away, but I guess I don't deserve it, maybe this pain is my punishment for mistakes I made in a past life? I don't know but its beyond anything I can handle, its too much, its too hard.

I guess I have too options, I can one, move away from him, and start over, move on, try and be happy again, or two, take the pain away, and kill myself.

But truth be told, moving away isn't actually an option.


End file.
